i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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