The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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