had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
