I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
