What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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