We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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