In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
