Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
