I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
