you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
