It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
