return my video game
nutella sex= disaster
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
