the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
