He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
