Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
