Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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