she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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