I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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