this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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