it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
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It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
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Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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