This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
third nipple confirmed
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
