I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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