i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
