She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
