I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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