He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
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what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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