is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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