Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wanna passion pit in your ass
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
