i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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