My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
