we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
