Need sex. Gaining weight.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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