need another drink. this is the easiest way
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
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Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
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I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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