I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
