When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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