i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
