I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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