Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
