He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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