Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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