Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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