You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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