dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
