nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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