i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
