You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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