The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
