I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
