Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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