he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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