forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize