He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
