I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
