So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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