I just cut my nipple shaving
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
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This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
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If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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