Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My vagina is officially offended.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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