Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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