Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
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he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
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Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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