just come out here and I will go home with you...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Your penis caused this!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
