I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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