i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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