My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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