Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
